Expectations vs. Reality

 How am I doing? This is the most common question I get these days. 

It's pretty much every emotion you would expect, at various stages, but the reality is I have remained surprisingly calm about the whole thing. (My mom says I'm always like this: I can't handle my emotions in the face of small struggles but with the big things, or the crises, I just go into problem solving, teacher mode.) In my online prenatal yoga class the other night we were talking about expectations versus reality, and how when your expectations aren't met, you can rail against reality or accept and work with 'what is.' 

I'm working with 'what is.'

We really are so lucky to have such wonderful support in all directions, which makes it a bit easier to work through. I have been trying to just follow the doctor's 'orders' (take care of myself and therefore the baby, go to the many new appointments, etc.). It's a weird sense of knowing that there is so much now out of our control, so we will just do what CAN be controlled. There is a problem, and it should be able to be fixed.

I believe the baby is a fighter---it was strong enough to be the one that FINALLY 'stuck'--so I have faith that it will continue to be, even as it is terrifying. I'm also starting to feel it move more- we knew from the sonogram that it is a little acrobat--which helps me feel more connected to it!

I have been busy wrapping up the semester and planning Christmas presents, so my mind has been focused on that...I will then get to transition into decorating the nursery and buying too many children books (!) I'm still very excited, nervous, and all the things you would expect, we just have a few more hurdles to go through than expected and will be spending a bit more time in the hospital (and later the doctor's office) than we thought.

Do I want to be angry that not only was it terribly difficult to get pregnant in the first place, now THIS? Sure. I do have the moments of, "Why us?" 

But, this baby is OUR baby. It's the one we are supposed to have, and I will love it fiercely.