So, here we are.

 After dealing with infertility for multiple years (coping with both PCOS and endometriosis), I am expecting my first baby next year. At the 20 week ultrasound, we learned that Baby has two congenital heart defects. It has always been easier for me to express my feelings and cope with life via writing and sharing my thoughts with the world. So here we are. 

The title of this site comes from Gilda Radner's quote: "[Motherhood] is the biggest gamble in the world. It is the glorious life force. It's huge and scary-it's an act of infinite optimism."  I wish I could say I found this quote in a more serendipitous way, but it was a Google search, and it struck the right chord. Everything about infertility feels like a gamble, never knowing how the cards will be dealt each month. And once you see the positive pregnancy test, it is nothing but consistent and infinite optimism that helps you keep the nerves from taking over (completely).

The quote in the header comes from the story of Sarah in the Bible. [Cliffnotes version: Sarah was told she would bear a child, and she laughed at God, because she was 90 years old. But she kept faith, and she did, in fact, bear a son.]  I am not a highly religious person, but I had begun attending a church here in town before COVID-19 shut the world down. Around the time I was told I wouldn't be able to continue fertility treatments because of such shutdowns, I popped online to watch that church's weekly message, which was the story of Sarah. It was used more as a reminder for us to keep faith during the time of uncertainty that is a global pandemic, but I felt it deeply in connection to  my infertility experience, and continue to feel it in connection to pregnancy, especially now.

"...and do not give way to fear."